“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your hearts before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” (Psalm 62:5-8 KJV)
SAFE I want to be safe Like a child held close Like a city hemmed in Like deep love cloaks I want to be safe Behind and before To the left and the right A guard at my door I want to be safe Peace like a river Breath exhaled gently Like a captive delivered I want to be safe Open, vulnerable, sure Accepted, loved, cherished More than just endured I want to be safe Fear unhinged, set aside In your heart, in your arms Let me forever abide I want to be safe Unfettered, strong, free Where I am enough Where I can simply be me I want to be safe No lock on the door No bolts, no alarms My heart becoming more I want to be safe To feel like I’m home To abide in tranquility To finally be known… I have never felt safe in love, never felt securely held. There was always the fear of being dropped, of dangling over the precipice of love’s antithesis, threatened rather than embraced. For years I sought out my own brand of ‘safe’ love; in someone already taken, in bruises and mocking, in the silence and unrelenting fury of a black heart, in cloaking myself in lesser filth in hopes no one would notice how filthy I really was. What I thought was safe was really only an apparition, a false comfortable lie. I was so afraid of being clean, of being known, of being seen. Yet I craved it so, deep in the cavernous void it whispered, “this is not all there is.” And isn’t it what we all crave and yet are so afraid of? To stand unashamedly naked before your beloved; your scars, and skin, and the very sinew of your soul exposed, yet somehow covered? Is it not to be who we truly are, to be beautifully vulnerable, to be known by another, to be fully taken in, engulfed in the glimmering glory of their steadfast love of you? Is it not to have them place their hand and their heart on your places of pain, and find they soothe you rather than make manifest your weaknesses? Is it not to find someone who traces the fragile lines of your heart with their finger, not to probe or harm, but to caress with velvet compassion and sincerity? Is it not to have them pierce you through with tenderness that purges out the remnants of insecurity? This is the safety I want. I want to be safe in a way that is wild and dangerous, like a great beast about to devour me whole. I want to risk me as I stand before you, knowing you could dash me to pieces, but wanting the safety of your arms more. I want the safety and sobriety of desperate passion-born intimacy, the clinging need for more and more of you for more and more of me. I want the exchange of minds, and hearts, and souls, and spirits that stretches far beyond reason. I want the safety of a death that bursts forth into magnificent life. I want the safety of inseparable oneness. All of this and more I have found and am finding in Christ Jesus. He is the answer to that ache we all feel…when you haven’t found the safety of real love in another, when what you thought is not how it is, when what you see betrays the trust your heart longs for, when you open up, lay yourself out there and they leave anyway, when it doesn’t make sense, when they die, when they lie, when it hurts more than you can bear…He is your safety, He is your refuge, He is forever and always holding you and He won’t let go…not ever. Are you safe? Safe in His heart, safe in His care, safe in His grace, safe in His mercy, safe in His arms, safe in intimate union with Him? He is the only place of real safety. Embrace Him as He embraces you and know what it is to be truly, wonderfully, forever safe… Written by Anne Marie Hawke January 2021 To subscribe to my blog or to find out more about my writing, please visit my website and hawkewriter.com
2 Comments
Lisa Cooper
1/29/2021 07:25:26 pm
No safer place to be!
Reply
Brenda McMurray
1/31/2021 02:30:36 pm
I thank my Lord Jesus for the shedding of his blood for me to have that kind of love
Reply
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qUIET IN CHAOSQuiet in Chaos is a blog about nothing, everything, and all things inbetween…it’s a space, an ellipsis, a deep pause. Life can be chaotic, and often needs more moments of quiet…So join me as I share and give through the written word, the place I find my Quiet in Chaos… Archives
February 2022
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