 “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your hearts before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” (Psalm 62:5-8 KJV)
SAFE I want to be safe Like a child held close Like a city hemmed in Like deep love cloaks I want to be safe Behind and before To the left and the right A guard at my door I want to be safe Peace like a river Breath exhaled gently Like a captive delivered I want to be safe Open, vulnerable, sure Accepted, loved, cherished More than just endured I want to be safe Fear unhinged, set aside In your heart, in your arms Let me forever abide I want to be safe Unfettered, strong, free Where I am enough Where I can simply be me I want to be safe No lock on the door No bolts, no alarms My heart becoming more I want to be safe To feel like I’m home To abide in tranquility To finally be known… I have never felt safe in love, never felt securely held. There was always the fear of being dropped, of dangling over the precipice of love’s antithesis, threatened rather than embraced. For years I sought out my own brand of ‘safe’ love; in someone already taken, in bruises and mocking, in the silence and unrelenting fury of a black heart, in cloaking myself in lesser filth in hopes no one would notice how filthy I really was. What I thought was safe was really only an apparition, a false comfortable lie. I was so afraid of being clean, of being known, of being seen. Yet I craved it so, deep in the cavernous void it whispered, “this is not all there is.” And isn’t it what we all crave and yet are so afraid of? To stand unashamedly naked before your beloved; your scars, and skin, and the very sinew of your soul exposed, yet somehow covered? Is it not to be who we truly are, to be beautifully vulnerable, to be known by another, to be fully taken in, engulfed in the glimmering glory of their steadfast love of you? Is it not to have them place their hand and their heart on your places of pain, and find they soothe you rather than make manifest your weaknesses? Is it not to find someone who traces the fragile lines of your heart with their finger, not to probe or harm, but to caress with velvet compassion and sincerity? Is it not to have them pierce you through with tenderness that purges out the remnants of insecurity? This is the safety I want. I want to be safe in a way that is wild and dangerous, like a great beast about to devour me whole. I want to risk me as I stand before you, knowing you could dash me to pieces, but wanting the safety of your arms more. I want the safety and sobriety of desperate passion-born intimacy, the clinging need for more and more of you for more and more of me. I want the exchange of minds, and hearts, and souls, and spirits that stretches far beyond reason. I want the safety of a death that bursts forth into magnificent life. I want the safety of inseparable oneness. All of this and more I have found and am finding in Christ Jesus. He is the answer to that ache we all feel…when you haven’t found the safety of real love in another, when what you thought is not how it is, when what you see betrays the trust your heart longs for, when you open up, lay yourself out there and they leave anyway, when it doesn’t make sense, when they die, when they lie, when it hurts more than you can bear…He is your safety, He is your refuge, He is forever and always holding you and He won’t let go…not ever. Are you safe? Safe in His heart, safe in His care, safe in His grace, safe in His mercy, safe in His arms, safe in intimate union with Him? He is the only place of real safety. Embrace Him as He embraces you and know what it is to be truly, wonderfully, forever safe… Written by Anne Marie Hawke January 2021 To subscribe to my blog or to find out more about my writing, please visit my website and hawkewriter.com
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 “I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, your transgressions, and as a cloud, your sins: return to me; for I have redeemed you.” (Isaiah 44:22)
“I am he: before me there was no God, neither will there be after me. I, even I, am the Lord; and beside me there is no savior.” (Isaiah 43:10b-11) When people hold things against you, God will hold you up. When people put you down, God will lift you up. When people write you off, God will write you in. When people cut you out, God will graft you in. He never quits, His love never fails, and He will never leave you. And this grace, this love He gives: it is overwhelming. Once you’ve touched it, once you’ve tasted it, once you’ve been wrapped in the soft, surrounding blanket of it—you will never be the same. He came for me when I was drowning in my sin and shame, sinking in the mire of the filth I had created. He didn’t condemn me. He didn’t walk away. He didn’t look on me with disdain. He didn’t reject me. He took me in His arms as if I had never done wrong, been wrong, created wrong. But I had. “Can’t you see Jesus, what I did to her? What I said to him? Where I’ve been? What I’ve done? Can’t you see this dirt, this filth all over my heart and soul?” “Child, you’ve come to yourself like the prodigal son You’ve arrested the attention of the holy angels above For there is joy in the presence of the angels of God Over one sinner that repents and yields to My love.” (Luke 15:10) Repentance is not remorse, although great remorse often comes with true repentance. Remorse is Judas throwing the silver coins of his betrayal of Jesus, at the feet of the Jewish elders, knowing that what he did was wrong. Repentance is the prodigal son coming to himself, getting up and leaving the filth of his soiled life to return to his father even if it meant merely being a servant in his house. But what did the father of the prodigal do? “But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight, and am not worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, “Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: and bring here the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat and be merry: for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” (Luke 15:20-24) Repentance is a change of not only your mind, but of your heart and actions. It is a complete turn around. It is a coming to yourself. It is leaving your pride, insecurities, and hiding, to come into the full light and love of God displayed in Christ on the Cross. It is hearing God say Isaiah 44:22 in the depths of your soul, “I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, your transgressions, and, as a cloud, your sins: return to me; for I have redeemed you.” To “blot out” means to obliterate from the memory, from under heaven. (Strong’s 4229) Wiped away, gone, obliterated. Anyone who comes, anyone who turns, anyone who asks, anyone who yields in true repentance will have their slate wiped clean, be made new, be redeemed, made whole, and be filled with the breath and heartbeat of heaven. I am not perfect, only He is. I still make mistakes, fall short, make wrong decisions, yield to my will rather than His. But when I mess up He always takes me back as soon as I breathe His name and turn to Him. He loves me like no other, guides me back to the narrow path, pulls me close and won’t let go. He is amazing. He is mine, and I am His and nothing and no one can change that…(Song of Solomon 2:16) Come to yourself. Return to Him. And watch Him run to you with open arms. Written by Anne Marie Hawke January 2021 To subscribe to my blog or to find out more about my writing, please visit my website at hawkewriter.com  "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth." (Genesis 1:1)
HERE AT THE BEGINNING Here at the beginning Here in the quiet presence of You Here I lay my heart down Come, Conquer, Subdue Here at the beginning Teach me what to ask I don't want vain words Or straws at which to grasp Here at the beginning Show me Your truth Wrap me in Your presence Let Your love infuse Here at the beginning May I come to an end May my every heartbeat Collide with Yours, descend Here at the beginning Begin in me anew Until all of me is gone And there is ever and always You... Written by Anne Marie Hawke January 2021 To subscribe to my blog or to find out more about my writing please visit my website at hawkewriter.com |
qUIET IN CHAOSQuiet in Chaos is a blog about nothing, everything, and all things inbetween…it’s a space, an ellipsis, a deep pause. Life can be chaotic, and often needs more moments of quiet…So join me as I share and give through the written word, the place I find my Quiet in Chaos… Archives
February 2022
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