 "But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy."
(2 Kings 5:11) Naaman came with expectations. He expected Elisha, the prophet of God, to do a certain thing in a certain way to heal him, and when his healing did not go the way that he expected, he 'went away angry.' Rather than coming out to see Naaman, a respected commander in the army of the king of Aram, Elisha sent a messenger out to him and told him to dip seven times in the Jordan River in order to be cleansed of his leprosy. Naaman's expectations almost kept him from his healing. Thankfully his servants talked him off the cliff of anger and pride; he did what Elisha told him and was healed after his seventh dip in the Jordan. An expectation is a pre-conceived notion of the way things should go; it's a strong belief that something will happen as we perceived it to. We all have expectations. Maybe you expected your job to always be there and now it's not. Maybe you expected the doctor to say, 'You're cancer free!' but instead they say, "I'm sorry, the cancer has come back and it's spread.' Maybe you expected your baby to be born healthy and strong, but instead you find yourself on your knees praying for them to be well, as they lay there with tubes and wires running in all directions. Maybe you expected you would pass away long before your children, but you find yourself weeping as you place more flowers next to your son's grave. This is not what we expect. We expect things to go right, be right, for all to be well in our world...but life isn't like that, not real life. At every place where our expectations are thwarted, when what we thought would happen didn't; we have a decision to make, a choice in how we respond. At the point of decision we can either stay in the paradigm we have always stayed in and become disillusioned, depressed, or fearful, OR we can choose a new paradigm. When hard, unexpected things happen, when the rug is pulled out from underneath us, when the job is gone, the diagnosis is bad, our loved one is not coming back---there is a place we can go where our expectations meet an end, and our hope begins. My life is not where I expected it to be. I have known outrageous abuse, terrifying sickness, deep loss, and profound rejection...yet I have hope and the kind of joy that you wear like a warm blanket on a bitter cold day. How is that possible? It is possible because every time I come, every time I kneel, every time I pray and yield; He is always more than I ever expected. If the job is gone; He is my Provider. If the cancer is back; He is my Healer. If the child dies; He is my Comfort and I can rest in the hope and knowledge that I will hold them in my arms again. My expectation is in Him. All other expectation can and often does fall short of what we envisioned. I can expect Him to always be in control. I can expect Him to always triumph. I can expect Him to keep His word. I can expect Him to be faithful and true. I can expect Him to never fail. I can expect Him to never leave me or forsake me. I can expect Him to make all things right. I can expect Him to restore. I can expect Him to be God yesterday, today, and forever. We may not know what to expect tomorrow...but we can expect Him to be there sheltering, holding, uplifting, carrying, being our all in all, no matter what, for all of time and eternity. Expectation When my heart is heavy tears flowing wave after wave When all is darkness I expect Him to save When pain is unrelenting When fear is the only gage When shadows surround I expect Him to save When words fall like hammers every one placed in rage When my confidence is shattered I expect Him to save When the relationship is over When everything was all I gave When sorrow covers like a shroud I expect Him to save His love is never failing He knows my inner ache I will forever trust Him I expect Him to save He holds all my expectations He knows my every stage He is my hope for always I expect Him to save Written by Anne Marie Hawke April 2020 If you would like to subscribe to my blog or find out more about my writing please visit my website at hawkewriter.com
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 "And he turned to the woman, and said to Simon, Do you see this woman? I entered into your house, you gave me no water for my feet: but she has washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. You gave me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in has not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil you did not anoint: but this woman has anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say to you, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much; but to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." (Luke 7: 44-47 NIV)
The woman in the above verses was known to be a sinner, a notorious sinner. Everyone in the room knew what type of woman she was. Perhaps some of them there had been 'involved' in her sin with her. As Simon sat there, he thought within himself, "If this man were a prophet he would have known who and what manner of woman this is that touches him: for she is a sinner." (Luke 7:39) Although everyone there thought her to be unworthy, and knew of the darkness in which she had lived her life...yet she still bravely came, she bravely bowed, she bravely wept and washed His feet with her tears, then wiped them dry with her hair; she poured out the ointment she had brought, as well as her heart on Jesus' feet. She lavished Him with unashamed love because she knew who she was. She knew what they said of her. She knew she was considered 'less than.' She knew she was considered to be dirty, vile, disgusting. She knew she shouldn't be there...but what she knew of Him compelled her to come, compelled her to weep, compelled her to pour extravagant love on Him...because she knew He was the only one who could set her free. And Jesus did not rebuke her, He did not reject her, He did not despise her...He knew she had had plenty of that. Instead He loved her extravagantly, He defended her to Simon and all those there, and then He forgave her of her many sins. He saw a child of God. He saw a daughter of the King. He saw her as pure. He saw her as beautiful. He saw her as His. This woman; I see myself in her. I've been her. I am her. The tears still flow freely when I remember all that he has brought me out of, all that He has rescued me from, and forgiven me for. When God found me, when I finally heard Him calling my name, I was in a very dark place. I was someone I didn't recognize, caught up in circumstances, doing things that were foreign to who I was created to be. I went to church as a child, but what I had suffered as a child and young adult did not coincide with a God who said He loved me. As a result I didn't know how to trust Him, and where I found myself as an adult proved that to be true. So when God showed up in a tiny trailer in Kentucky one morning, I was ill-prepared for the depth of the love I found myself engulfed in. He wanted me and loved me despite my failings, despite my darkness, despite my mistakes. I was wrecked by the reckless love of God. My life did not become a beautiful mosaic to His name all of a sudden; nor was I the poster child for what it means to be a follower of Christ instantaneously. I continued to struggle, I failed again and yet again, but He was there and He loved me. I still don't get it right all the time, but He loves me, accepts me, and leads me through each day. I trust Him more than I ever have, and I need Him every second of every day. I have been forgiven so much. I have been rescued from so much. As a result I love much. I love...when I'm rejected. I love...when I don't understand. I love...when I am despised. I love...in silence. I love...in the storm. I love...when I'm lied to. I love because He first loved me. I love because I remember who I was without Him. I love because I have no place to judge anyone at any time. I love because 'there but for the grace of God, go I." (John Bradford) I Know Who I Am I know who I am without Him I've seen the depths of my darkness I've murdered with words like a gun I've made playmates of death and destruction I've courted the devil like a lover cherished I've danced with demons under the setting sun I know who I am without Him There's no place to hide my disgrace There's no solace in this deep abyss There's no place to escape the torment There's no rescue for all that's been lost There's no place in which my soul fits I know who I am without Him Unforgiving, lost, unkind, bereft A desperate tangled chord A selfish child clinging to a broken toy An empty shell of nothingness A vile woman who knows no Lord I know who I am without Him I know the damage I've done I know of wounds still fresh I know sorrow hangs like a cloak I know silence speaks volumes I know pain begs for death I know who I am without Him I know the day it changed Confronted by love so vast, profound Undone in the fortress I'd made All that I was without Him Poured like dross on the ground I know who I am with Him I'm new, clean, made whole I'm washed, forgiven, adored I'm holy, made righteous, secure I'm nothing I was without Him What was, ...now is no more You may not be a notorious sinner, but you have still been forgiven much. So the next time you find yourself judging another person, remember what you have been rescued from, remember what you have been forgiven of...and choose to love much. Written by Anne Marie Hawke April 2020 If you would like to subscribe to my blog or learn more about my writing, please visit my website at hawkewriter.com |
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February 2022
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